How often do you find yourself complaining about someone you wish would change? Do you wish your spouse would simply pick up the dirty clothes and put them in the hamper? Your mother would quit being so critical about virtually everything? Your boss would throw you a bone and give you a bit of credit? Sound familiar?
Notice how much energy you spend trying to get these people to change. Your dedication to the "people-fixing rehabilitation project" is quite impressive, yet, as you know, this project is destined to fail. THE MORE YOU TRY TO CHANGE SOMEONE, THE MORE THEY PUSHBACK, RESIST YOUR EFFORTS, AND STAY THE SAME.
What to do? Change yourself and your behavior FIRST. You know for certain that you have more power over changing your own behavior anyway. Furthermore, when you change your own behavior, you frequently force those around you to adjust and change as well.
Consider the following examples:
You want your wife to quit being so critical of you. Has it occurred to you that you help her remain critical because you are often critical of her? So change yourself first. Write your wife a letter telling her all the things you appreciate about her. Then watch... her behavior is likely to change. Furthermore, when she is criticizing, leave her alone with her misery. Let her enjoy her unhappiness by herself. She is more likely to choose having your company than risk losing it by continuing to criticize you.
You want your husband to pick up the laundry and put it in the hamper. Yet every time he fails to do it you jump in and take care of it yourself. You wonder why the behavior remains the same. You are teaching him how to treat you. What to do? Change yourself first. Put the clothes in a pile on his pillow. Put the hamper on the front seat of his car, or file a lawsuit against your spouse with a charge of "irreconcilable laundry differences!" Then watch! Your spouse is likely to think twice about dirty laundry and expect you to always take care of it.
The message is this: When you make it a policy to regularly consider what YOU can do differently, the world becomes a different place.
You can move mountains with a single thought. Change yourself and your contribution first ...and watch the mountains move!
Remember, to get people to do what you want them to do, you must first position what you want in concert with what is important to them. People will engage, adjust, sign-up, and agree, when -- in their terms -- it makes sense to do so. And it always makes more sense when they come to their own conclusions. "THE PULL" makes this happen. "THE PULL" method is very logical and understandable, and yet it is very counter-intuitive and disparate from what you are used to doing when you try to persuade anyone to do anything. When you get fluent with "THE PULL", you will persuade sooner, resolve conflict faster, and realize much less "pushback." You will let them have your way!
"THE PULL" CD: $19.95
"THE PULL" MP3: $16.95
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The Dr. Mitchell Perry Show: Common Sense 101 airs Saturdays from 9:00 am - 11:00 am (Pacific) on KVTA AM1520. It is a little bit reasoning, a little bit education, alot of laughs, and a whole lot of fun! Every Saturday morning Dr. Perry takes calls LIVE on his radio show on everything -- including relationships, business advice, personal growth, and the ever popular... "Common Sense is very Uncommon!"
He has a knack for saying it like it is without beating down his listeners. You can be sure that if there is an answer to your problem, Dr. Perry will help you figure it out. Listeners call in to get advice, discuss the day's events or simply to give their opinion on the latest topics.
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