The Perry Perspective - November 2010

Hello Everyone!  Insanity!  Continuing to do the same thing with the same poor outcome with the illusion you will get a different outcome someday soon. Practice sanity! Changing your behavior first is the best way to cascade change around you.   Dr. Mitchell Perry     Change Yourself First How often do you find yourself complaining about someone you wish would change?  Do you wish your spouse would simply pick up the dirty clothes and put them in the hamper?  Your mother would quit being so critical about virtually everything?  Your boss would throw you a bone and give you a bit of credit?  Sound familiar? Notice how much energy you spend trying to get these people to change.  Your dedication to the "people-fixing rehabilitation project" is quite impressive, yet, as you know, this project is destined to fail.  THE MORE YOU TRY TO CHANGE SOMEONE, THE MORE THEY PUSHBACK, RESIST YOUR EFFORTS, AND STAY THE SAME.  What to do?  Change yourself and your behavior FIRST.  You know for certain that you have more power over changing your own behavior anyway.  Furthermore, when you change your own behavior, you frequently force those around you to adjust and change as well.  Consider the following examples:    You want your wife to quit being so critical of you.  Has it occurred to you that you help her remain critical because you are often critical of her?  So change yourself first.  Write your wife a letter telling her all the things you appreciate about her.  Then watch... her behavior is likely to change.  Furthermore, when she is criticizing, leave her alone with her misery.  Let her enjoy her unhappiness by herself.  She is more likely to choose having your company than risk losing it by continuing to criticize you.  You want your husband to pick up the laundry and put it in the hamper.  Yet every time he fails to do it you jump in and take care of it yourself.  You wonder why the behavior remains the same.  You are teaching him how to treat you.  What to do?  Change yourself first.  Put the clothes in a pile on his pillow.  Put the hamper on the front seat of his car, or file a lawsuit against your spouse with a charge of "irreconcilable laundry differences!"  Then watch!  Your spouse is likely to think twice about dirty laundry and expect you to always take care of it.  The message is this:  When you make it a policy to regularly consider what YOU can do differently, the world becomes a different place.    You can move mountains with a single thought.  Change yourself and your contribution first ...and watch the mountains move!   The Art of Ultimate Persuasion:  Engaging "THE PULL" Remember, to get people to do what you want them to do, you must first position what you want in concert with what is important to them.  People will engage, adjust, sign-up, and agree, when -- in their terms -- it makes sense to do so.  And it always makes more sense when they come to their own conclusions.  "THE PULL" makes this happen.   "THE PULL" method is very logical and understandable, and yet it is very counter-intuitive and disparate from what you are used to doing when you try to persuade anyone to do anything.  When you get fluent with "THE PULL", you will persuade sooner, resolve conflict faster, and realize much less "pushback."   You will let them have your way! "THE PULL" CD:   $19.95 "THE PULL" MP3: $16.95   NOTICE!  Many of Dr. Perry's recordings are available on iTunes and Amazon. "THE DR. MITCHELL PERRY SHOW" Common Sense 101   The Dr. Mitchell Perry Show: Common Sense 101 airs Saturdays from 9:00 am - 11:00 am (Pacific) on KVTA AM1520.  It is a little bit reasoning, a little bit education, alot of laughs, and a whole lot of fun!  Every Saturday morning Dr. Perry takes calls LIVE on his radio show on everything -- including relationships, business advice, personal growth, and the ever popular... "Common Sense is very Uncommon!" He has a knack for saying it like it is without beating down his listeners.  You can be sure that if there is an answer to your problem, Dr. Perry will help you figure it out.  Listeners call in to get advice, discuss the day's events or simply to give their opinion on the latest topics. The number to call the studio live is toll free  877-34-PERRY (347-3779). You can also listen to the show by logging on to www.kvta.comand then click on "LISTEN LIVE."

Cheers, Dr. Mitchell Perry JM Perry Learning

Posted via email from Dr. JM Perry: Leveraging Human Performance

The October Perry Perspective

Hello Everyone! When you hire someone, you look at their background and skills, yet when you fire them, it is always about their character.  At the end of the day, it all comes down to Strength of Character.  The price you pay for poor character is enormous. Raise the bar -- and life gets better!    Dr. Mitchell Perry    Share Your Strength of Character Every morning when you wake up and look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see?  Are you pleased or embarrassed?  Proud or ashamed?  Impressed or depressed?  Excited or bored?  Energetic or listless?  Engaged or isolated?  Powerful or weak?  How is your self-respect? Every morning, whether you like it or not, you wake up inside your own skin - which means you have to live with yourself, your feelings, your choices, and your behavior.  And, just like compounded interest in a bank account, there are long-term effects to those choices and behaviors.  At the end of the day, the measure of your life is inevitably determined by your CHARACTER and all its strengths and weaknesses.  So, what is the condition of your Character?  What are your basic governing values?  What are the moral principles by which you want to live?  The essential qualities for Strength of Character include:   INTEGRITY:  Honesty, legitimacy, the straight stuff, the full disclosure; the willingness to be unpopular at times, by telling the truth; the absence of lying, tap-dancing, pretending, spinning, distracting and avoiding.   RESPONSIBILITY:  Your life is completely your responsibility.  If life is going well for you, you probably made it happen.  If life is going poorly, you did that too.  The cards dealt to you are yours to play -- good or bad.  So take accountability, make your choices, take your lumps and get on with it.  The energy you spend on whining, complaining, catastrophizing and awfulizing will be so much better spent on problem solving. GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT:  This part of your Strength of Character is about giving more than taking, contributing more than consuming, caring more than expecting, investing more than expensing.  This part of you is faith, living in the light, deriving meaning, and hearing the quiet. You get more than you give when you give more than you get.  (Hmmm... random acts of kindness).  So, establish a higher standard for yourself and your life.  Commit to INTEGRITY, RESPONSIBILITY and GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT... and then share your values and spread them around.  You are quite a role model!  Raise your BAR!    Strength of Character   Gaining competitive advantage by raising the bar        Strength of Character explores integrity, responsibility, and generosity of spirit in the business setting, driving a stake into the ground and defining the ethical standards by which business will need to be practiced in the coming decades.  This CD explains how leaders and workers can set a new course towards character standards that we all can agree are compelling and necessary.  The magic begins when individuals accept personal responsibility and start making ethical changes in themselves.  Strength of Character CD:   $19.95 Strength of Character MP3: $16.95 NOTICE!  Many of my recordings are available on iTunes and Amazon. "THE DR. MITCHELL PERRY SHOW" Common Sense 101   The Dr. Mitchell Perry Show: Common Sense 101 airs Saturdays from 9:00 am - 11:00 am (Pacific) on KVTA AM1520.  It is a little bit reasoning, a little bit education, alot of laughs, and a whole lot of fun!  Every Saturday morning Dr. Perry takes calls LIVE on his radio show on everything -- including relationships, business advice, personal growth, and the ever popular... "Common Sense is very Uncommon!" He has a knack for saying it like it is without beating down his listeners.  You can be sure that if there is an answer to your problem, Dr. Perry will help you figure it out.  Listeners call in to get advice, discuss the day's events or simply to give their opinion on the latest topics. The number to call the studio live is toll free  877-34-PERRY (347-3779). You can also listen to the show by logging on to www.kvta.comand then click on "LISTEN LIVE."  Cheers, Dr. Mitchell Perry JM Perry Learning

Posted via email from Dr. JM Perry: Leveraging Human Performance

Navigating the Choppy Waters of Family Owned Business

The US Small Business Administration reports that family owned businesses in this country are alive and well. In fact, 90% of small businesses are family owned. So the good news is that there are a lot of families out there involved in owning and managing businesses. The bad news is that managing the business while keeping family members functional, well adjusted, and happy is a tall order indeed. Most family businesses have poor futures: 3 in 10 will survive transition of ownership to the next generation. Why?

Most of the time the issues that arise center around reconciling: 1. For the business: power, control, and succession, and 2. For the Family: Love, loyalty, and #147; fairness #148;

On one hand, family members often have good intentions. They want to feel love, loyalty and protective of each other. Too often feelings of suspicion, self-protection, jealousy, hostility, betrayal, avarice, and guilt take center stage when conflicts emerge surrounding the major omnipresent question: #147;How do we make this business grow, become profitable, and be successful while at the same time making family members involved feel loved, reinforced and rewarded?#148;

Many times huge conflicts evolve that either break up families and/or ruin businesses because the efforts to answer this question are managed so poorly. Because you love a family member has often little to do with that same member being competent, equipped, or suited to handle a specific job in the company. Your interest in being #147;fair#148; can be in direct conflict what is best for the company. Problems arose at International Rectifier in the mid 90s when the two sons of International Rectifier chairman Eric Lidow almost lost the company due to sibling rivalry. Alex Lidow, current CEO of the company, said about his brother, #147;We were products of a competitive upbringing and I had to resolve a lifetime of issues.#148;

What can your company do?

1. KEEP THE DIALOGUE GOING: The moment family members quit talking for whatever reason is the minute the conflicts become untenable and the stage is set for lawyers to take over. Remember, the more talking and conversations occur the better the chance for resolution.
2. GET OUTSIDE HELP: Too often, family members are too emotionally involved and therefore will have trouble thinking objectively about what is good for the business. So, get outside facilitation, mediation, and consultation when it comes to securing succession plans, control assignments, and organizational changes.
3. STAY FOCUSSED ON THE BUSINESS: Make the hard calls on what the business needs. Sometimes that means removing and/or reassigning some family members. While tactically this is often painful, strategically this will insure the business being solvent and secure.
4. REGULARLY DISCUSS THE PLANS AND GET THEM IN WRITING: Have family members participate in the making the agreements and plans. Make sure you write them down in plain English and then review them periodically.
5. MAKE SURE LOVE IN THE FAMILY IS DEMONSTRATED IN OTHER WAYS: If love is shown only through compensation, control, status, and other rewards in the business, you have trouble. Take the time to develop and nurture other dimensions of family closeness outside the business.
6. MAINTAIN THE USE OF MULTILE OPTIONS: People naturally polarize when there is conflict and tension. This creates right/wrong, good/bad, win/lose, success/failure thinking which results in escalation of anger, suspicion and defensiveness. Remember that 3 options or more will always calm down this problem. Always use the magic of multiple options and you will be amazed how you can balance business with family priorities.

Remember the purpose of business is to be successful which requires competence and intelligent planning. At the same time, family success is determined by different variables like love, reinforcement, loyalty, and closeness. Managing these two major systems requires skillful navigation in often stormy seas. Keep the above ideas on your radar and the sailing is likely to be much smoother.

Dr. J. Mitchell Perry is CEO of JM Perry Learning Technologies. To reach him call 800 JM PERRY or go to JM Perry's website or sign up for the JM Perry Newsletter.

Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com

Posted via email from Dr. JM Perry: Leveraging Human Performance

Differentiating Behaviors

How are you different?  What can you do to set yourself apart? 

• Introduce yourself
• Stand, shake hands and make eye contact
• Personalize by addressing your customer by name
• Be an expert in your business
• Make frequent contact with your customer
• Write thank you notes
• Write personal notes (remember something special)
• Fast recognition
• Have a positive attitude about yourself, your position, and your company
• Learn to listen:  Ask more and tell less - listening is the best way to get your point across 
• Use complaints as golden opportunities for improvement
• Learn to express yourself optimistically
• Keep every promise
• Commit to check in and follow up often.  Then do it!
• Go the extra mile - deliver more than you promise 
• Use humor and smile often
• Consider incorporating some random acts of kindness into the relationship
• Become a trusted advisor

How many of these traits differentiate you in the eyes of YOUR customer?  Which ones do you need to work on the most?  Which ones already come easily to you?

Consider the following:  If you can find out what your customer wants in his terms and then find a way to give it to him, you will succeed where others fail.  This is the secret to all effective sales efforts.  Sales is less about selling what you have to your client, but all about encouraging your client to buy what he wants from you.  Remember, you want to create the pull and avoid the push.  

Posted via email from Dr. JM Perry: Leveraging Human Performance